To be Young, Artistic and Self-Sabotaging3 min read

// Alina Rehman

// Alina Rehman

YDF24

Is it only natural to be so critical of oneself more than others?

Hey there fellow creatives! As someone who has lived most of her life being told she is good at different art forms and basing what she likes to do as a hobby and during her education as a career. I have found that there has always been that dreadful nagging voice at the back of the mind that lets me know “you are unworthy”, “you are talentless” or “you do not deserve this opportunity”.

Naturally, overtime you begin to bring these thoughts to the forefront of your mind. Resulting in the behaviours of rejecting or refusing to receive help when needed to prove you are just as hardworking, believing that there could have been better improvements made on a piece of work you completed and giving deserving credit to dumb luck and more talented individuals but yourself. Envision an accomplished artist openly speaking about these feelings of low self-worth, doubt and fear of failure, what would happen? They would sound irrational, right? But also like many others like them.

Most likely you have already come to the conclusion that these are very much the traits of having imposter syndrome. However, in my personal opinion I have witnessed far more with characteristics in people from the creative and performing arts, no matter their level of experience or natural skill.

Interestingly, I discovered I have continued to put myself down as someone capable of becoming what I aspire to be, even with the amount of training and evidence presented. As if I have purposely been a fraud to the entire community of people that surrounds me, and I should rightfully be exposed as such. By comparing myself to the masses of people who come from all backgrounds and have lived many different lives is a fool’s game and questioning the shows I have created for people to view/judge/admire/inspire is exactly the problem.

Firstly, I should not be creating work for anyone but myself.

Secondly, I should at least believe in myself before I believe the words of those who provide such opinions whether complimentary or constructive. I believe it to be expected that you hold yourself up to the realistic standard YOU set and ONLY you.

Ultimately, the one person who needs to stay on your side and truly knows your capabilities is yourself and others will follow in time.

However, I acknowledge now that I am not a fraud. It took some time to figure out that after the few months since my project with Peshkar began that I belonged and deserved to be there. As soon as you take the weight of being someone far greater than yourself off your shoulders and reach out to people you trust to carry that same weight with you. It is until then you can find comfort in being as you are. Of course, the consequences just so happen to be you creating beautiful and inspiring pieces of work that you will not only be proud of but the people you care about will too.

Written by Alina
(she/her)